We may live in Shanghai for the next two to six years or maybe even for ten. Either way, there is a time limit on our life here and on our stay in this wonderful apartment. Somewhere lurking in the back of my mind is the knowledge that one day we'll pack up and ship out. To where? We don't know. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the things we love about our lives, but it does mean we have to continually dismantle and reestablish our whole lives over and over and over again. Each time we do, things don't easily fit back the way they were. Like Loren says, "It's like a puzzle. It is hard to reconstruct the pieces into a different picture."
"So what?" you may be thinking. Well, that tiny, irksome and scratchy grain of knowledge lodged in our brains seems to twist and turn every time we want to make any big decisions. Should we buy that huge piece of furniture that we both love? Is that painting we like too big to fit in our carry on? Do we really want to spend money on things we may just be selling or giving away in a few years time? Should we really paint our apartment? Should we spend the money on lots of plants to beautify our living space? Can we really adopt and provide a loving safe home for animals when we may just be moving to the next spot in the foreseeable future? Every question which would take some new couples living in a new home maybe an enjoyable hour of discussion at their favorite and familiar lunch spot is debated and weighed ad nauseam by us to the point that we have to table it for a week or a month or forever. We have to consider shipping costs and hassles. Just like some of you, we have to think about bang for our buck on home improvements because eventually we'll have to pay to change everything back to the way it was. We have to think about flying with animals and the possibility of long quarantines. Also, what are we going to do with the little guys over our long summer vacations?
This lifestyle is so full of what ifs that it's hard to commit to anything beyond what to stock our fridge with. At times it feels like we will be cursed to constantly relive our college years, moving from one apartment that we furnish with stuff we don't care about to another place that we know will also have a short shelf life. It's like even though we are living such full and exciting lives overseas that we love, we are still only living a half life. That spiky grain of knowledge has been making it near impossible to fully relax into a place and create our home oasis.
When we arrived in Shanghai, subconsciously, I think we both realized that we didn't want to, or even have to live in fear of that rough nodule of knowledge in our brains anymore. No matter how long we stay here, this is going to be our home and we shouldn't have to live in it like we're going to pack up any minute. What a liberating realization! This is a huge step for our lives as international teachers, one that many others before us have made, but no less monumental because of its commonplace. We may still be feeling a little wreckless when we do make our big decisions, but we are turning Shanghai into our home and it feels great! We painted our apartment in colors that we love, we bought a beautiful cabinet that we'll cherish in the years to come, and yes, we adopted 2 wonderful kittens, (Lilly is the white one and Milo is the tabby), that settle us and allow us to walk in our door and relax.
It feels great to take control of our lives and to embrace the fact that all things are temporary; it's just the state of mind we live in that counts. We've accepted that there will be new challenges every time we step outside of our, this isn't permanent, don't be too hasty, mindset but that's ok by us.
So everyone, raise your glasses, I've got a toast to make: Here's to making big decisions and to creating a home where ever you may go or be. May you be able to dissipate the fog that shields your vision from the beauty life is offering you. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and also find an untarnished sense of liberation in the new year. Cheers!
